The Top 13 Reasons Why Men Don’t Get A Hard-On Erection

Most guys think they know all about how to give a woman an orgasm. They brag about it and tell every man they meet that they are “experts.” But, in reality, most men are totally clueless when it comes to giving a woman an erection. In this article, I’m going to reveal the top 10 reasons (beyond sheer ignorance) why most men simply can’t provide a woman with an erection. This information is designed to empower men to take control of their sex lives and learn how to give women the orgasms of their dreams.

Performance Anxiety

Most men experience some degree of “performance anxiety” before any important performance. And when it comes to pleasuring a woman, most men experience “sex anxiety.” The difference is, men don’t admit they have performance anxiety. They just say they aren’t “turned on” or “excited” enough to perform. In reality, most men have performance anxiety and they simply aren’t aware of it. And this “anxiety” causes them to lose their erection. Here’s a true story: Last year I did a seminar in Los Angeles called “Killer Orgasms.” At the seminar, I asked each man in the audience to rate his performance level from 1 to 10 as far as having an erection was concerned. The average rating was a pathetic 2. Almost every man at the seminar rated himself lower than he should have. Why? Simply because most men have an almost unconscious fear of performance.

Performance anxiety is very real and it affects millions of men every day. It’s a mental state of extreme tension and stress where a man feels like he is going to lose control. Usually, this type of stress happens when a man is very aware that he is about to perform in front of other people. He feels self-conscious, insecure and worried about what they will think about him.

When the fear of loss of erection becomes a full-blown phobia, it can lead to issues such as Medomalacuphobia. At its most extreme, these fears can manifest themselves into a condition known as klingsor syndrome or even ederacism.

Negative Sexual Experience in the past

Many men have had extremely negative experiences with women in the past. These experiences can be real or imagined. It could be something that happened years ago or maybe something that just recently occurred. No matter how long ago the experience was or how recent it was, if it has created a deep-rooted pattern of stress in the man’s mind, it can seriously interfere with his ability to give a woman an erection. This is one of the most common reasons why men don’t get a hard-on. Another factor is discussed in reason #3 below: A man might not be getting an erection because he is “turned off” by the way she looks. Even if that isn’t the case, if he has a negative emotional response to the woman, it will definitely inhibit his performance. Lack of desire Another big reason men don’t get a hard-on is simple lack of desire. Some guys just aren’t interested in sex. They have no problem with the idea of having sex with a woman, but they simply aren’t turned on by her at all. There are many reasons for this. Maybe they have an aversion to the idea of sex with this particular woman.

Fear of Disease

Another very common reason why men don’t get a hard-on is simply because of fear of disease. This is especially true when a man is about to have sex with a woman for the first time. She might be carrying an STD that is extremely common and has almost no symptoms. In fact, most women have it and don’t even know they have it. In most cases, an undetected STD won’t affect a man’s performance at all. However, there is one condition that is caused by a virus and affects almost 100% of men who have it. It’s called “HIV.” And with rare exceptions, every man who has HIV will eventually develop AIDS.

Fortunately, today, there is no cure for HIV and AIDS. But there is a drug called “AZT” which extends the life of someone with HIV by an average of five years. This gives them a better chance of living a normal, long life.

But, sadly, it does not eliminate the need for the man to have sex with other people or to take risks in order to achieve an erection. Fear of pregnancy A third major reason why men don’t get a hard-on is because of fear of pregnancy. In many countries around the world, getting pregnant during sexual intercourse is virtually impossible for a woman unless she uses some kind of contraception.

Long Day’s Work

Another big reason why men don’t get a hard-on is simply because they are tired. After a long day’s work, they just don’t have the energy to perform. Stress and worry A fourth major reason why men don’t get a hard-on is stress and worry. If he is really stressed out and tense about something, it will affect his sex life. It’s no wonder so many men say that the key to a good sex life is to “relax” them. The truth is, tension and stress severely inhibits a man’s ability to get and keep an erection. Lack of confidence A fifth reason why men don’t get a hard-on is lack of confidence. Maybe he has low self-esteem and isn’t even aware of it. He might have heard some ugly things about himself from other people and he believes them. This inhibits his performance and makes him feel depressed. And, when a man is depressed, he tends to lose interest in sex. The ugly rumors or negative comments may not be true but he doesn’t know that. All he knows is that other people have told him that these things are true. And, since he has no real evidence to the contrary, he just accepts it as “truth” and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Low Testosterone Levels

Another factor which inhibits a man’s ability to get and keep an erection is low testosterone levels. If a man’s testosterone levels are too low, it will inhibit his sexual desire and performance. In fact, low testosterone is very common in men over 30. However, most men aren’t aware of this and don’t know the cause. The truth is, there are many different factors which can lead to low testosterone. It is often caused by certain medications men are put on for medical reasons. Sometimes, it is caused by stress. And, as previously mentioned, sometimes it is simply because men stop producing it at a normal rate as they age. But there is good news! There are many natural ways you can increase your testosterone levels and have a much better sex life. The first step is to identify what is causing your low testosterone. If it is simply “bad luck,” no problem. But if it is caused by anything else, such as stress or medication, then you need to do something about it. One of the best things you can do is start exercising and start losing weight. Exercise raises your metabolism and helps burn off the extra “toxic” fat your body has accumulated.

Premature Ejaculation

Another thing that inhibits a man’s ability to get and keep an erection is premature ejaculation. This happens when a man ejaculates too soon. It is very common and affects nearly all men to some degree or another. Some men experience premature ejaculation frequently and for long periods of time. Others have occasional “mild” cases. For most men, though, it is almost impossible to avoid. The good news is, there are many things you can do to help prevent it. Foremost among these is learning how to control your breathing. When you get excited, your breathing gets faster and shallower. But, if you learn to control your breathing, you will slow down your orgasm until you are at a much more manageable level. Practice this technique over and over until it becomes second nature to you. That’s one of the reasons why “mind-muscle” connections are so important. It is through the mind-muscle connection that you literally rewire your brain so it automatically controls your breathing and, in turn, controls your ejaculation. By the way, this is also one of the most common reasons why women complain that men don’t last long enough. Older men especially tend to have this problem because their testosterone levels naturally start to decline as they age. However, with a little effort, most men can enjoy sex well into their 60s and even beyond.

Medical Conditions

There are several medical conditions which can cause impotence. The two most common are diabetes and high blood pressure. If you have either of these conditions, you should discuss it with your doctor. He may be able to treat it or, if not, at least put you on medication to prevent it from occurring. Another condition is atherosclerosis. This is a disease that occurs when cholesterol and other fats build up in the arteries. This blocks off the blood supply to the penis and prevents an erection. Again, if you have this problem, you should discuss it with your doctor. In many cases, he can treat it with medication or surgery. Psychological causes of impotence Another category that must be addressed are psychological causes of impotence. These include performance anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of being judged, and other irrational fears. All of these inhibit your ability to get and keep an erection and, thus, prevent you from achieving a truly satisfying sex life. Inability to achieve an erection This category would include everything from a total inability to achieve an erection to minor problems such as premature ejaculation. The main reason for this type of dysfunction is usually a physical problem which is caused by some sort of injury or disease. However, there are also several psychological reasons why a man may not be able to achieve an erection. These would include: Fear of being sexually vulnerable. Some men simply do not want to become sexually vulnerable.

Prescription Medications

The most common prescription drug that causes impotence is Proscar. It is used to treat enlarged prostate glands in older men. Another common cause of impotence is the presence of a medical condition called priapism. This is a painful and very serious condition that occurs when a man’s erection lasts longer than 4 hours. There are several other rare but serious conditions which can cause impotence. These would include cancers of the prostate, testicles, and Leydig cells. Radiation therapy to the pelvic area can also cause impotence. And certain industrial chemicals can damage the male reproductive system. These include carbon disulfide, DDT, dibutyl phthalate, and many others. Unfortunately, most men are not aware of the fact that they are taking these kinds of drugs until they experience impotence. So, if you are on any of these medications, you should discuss it with your doctor. If he is not sure what the cause of your impotence is, he will likely order some blood tests. Don’t be alarmed. Almost all doctors check for diabetes and high blood pressure as part of the routine examination. However, there are several other tests he may order. These include a test to determine the presence of STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases), a test to detect the presence of human papilloma virus (which can cause genital warts), and various other tests. There are also certain non-prescription drugs that can cause impotence. These include some anti-anxiety drugs, certain diet pills, and certain recreational drugs such as cocaine and methamphetamine.

The two most common are anti-depressants and beta-blockers. Anti-depressants work by inhibiting the “reward” chemical norepinephrine in your brain. This reduces your desire for sex and, if it occurs often enough, can eventually lead to impotence. Beta-blockers inhibit the “stress” chemical epinephrine in your brain. This reduces your desire for sex and, if it occurs often enough, can eventually lead to impotence

Low Self-Esteem

Another common cause of impotence is low self-esteem. If you have this problem, you should seriously consider having sex therapy. But don’t expect sex therapists to suddenly make you sexually attractive to your partner. It is unlikely your problem is going to be resolved in one session. Usually, it will take at least three or four sessions before your partner will agree that you are no longer impotent. He will probably tell you that he still can’t get aroused because he just can’t get over how you used to be. Sex therapists have a different view. They see their job as helping you to achieve an erection that is long, firm, and fully functional. Once you have achieved that goal, they then work with you on the emotional and psychological issues that caused the problem in the first place. Remember… Only you can solve the problem of impotence. No one else can do it for you. Don’t try to fake it or force it. Instead, use this time to work on yourself so you will be able to enjoy a more satisfying and long-lasting relationship with your partner.

Psychological Reasons

There are certain psychological reasons why a man may not want to have sex with his partner. Some men are “cocooned” inside their own minds. They live in a fantasy world where everything is hunky dory. They have no feelings whatsoever about their partner. They don’t care whether she is sexually attractive to other men. They don’t care about her feelings. They don’t want to know how she feels about them. In short, these men think they are Superman and their partners are Lois Lane. Unfortunately, many women fall for this sort of stuff. She thinks he is the most wonderful man on earth. She worships the ground he walks on. He… in turn… is happy to oblige… as long as… she continues to pretend that all is well between them. But most women eventually get wise to this kind of nonsense. If they don’t… they end up suffering terribly. There is an even more dangerous form of this problem. This type of man will have no problem with his erectile function. He will have a very hard time getting and maintaining an erection. But this guy will have a mental block… concerning… having sex with his partner. He will have a hard time even acknowledging there is a problem. Don’t be confused. These are two very different problems. The first type has no desire whatsoever for his partner. The second type has no interest in his partner… except… to have sex with her!

Fear of rejection

A third common cause of impotence is the fear of rejection. Many men simply don’t know how to have a normal, satisfying sex life. They don’t know how to be a real lover. So, they try to do everything themselves. This often includes trying to make sure their partner is sexually aroused before they initiate any sort of sexual activity. But often, this causes them to wait too long. By this time, it’s no longer a matter of if she is going to reject them… but rather… a question of when. And once she rejects them, it is all over. The damage is done. She will probably tell other men that she was never interested in him in the first place. And why should she? He was never a real contender anyway. He was always too concerned about his “image.” He cared more about what she thought than he did about her. He was never going to be good enough for her. Premature Ejaculation Another common problem is premature ejaculation. Many men experience this problem because they never learn how to control their ejaculation. This is different from the fear of rejection. In this case, he is actually afraid of getting caught by his partner. Afraid that she will walk in on him while he is having sex with her and be horribly embarrassed. Actually, this type of man has a greater fear of rejection than he does of premature ejaculation.

Fear of failure

A less common reason is a fear of failure. This is something a man may have if he is very self-conscious about his erectile function. If he has a history of impotence, then he may actually fear he will fail again. Even if he has no such history, then he may have a fear of failure because he was told by his doctor he had an unhealthy obsession with his penis. Or perhaps by another man. Or by his own father. Or by his priest. In any case, if he has such a fear, then it will totally immobilize him. He will think having sex with his partner is too important to risk by trying something new. Or maybe even something stupid like trying to “perform” in front of her. He will feel she is too important to risk damaging in any way. So, he won’t even try. Instead, he will live out his life as a eunuch. And that is the worst fate of all. For a woman, it means she will always wonder… Is It Because Of Me? And for a man… it means he will never know the ecstasy of a truly satisfying sexual relationship. What To Do If You Are The Partner Of A Man With These Problems First and foremost, do not take it personally. Most men do not have these problems because they don’t love their partners.

Lack of Knowledge

Many men simply do not know how to give their woman an erection. They have no idea what a woman needs to achieve an erection. She needs to be touched in just the right way. She needs to be kissed in just the right way. She needs to be caressed in just the right way. It’s sort of like driving a car. You need to know exactly where the gas pedal is, where the brake pedal is, where the steering wheel is, and… how to use all these controls together to get where you want to go. It’s the same with having sex. If you don’t know how to give your woman an erection… you won’t be able to have an erection yourself. Sooner or later, you are going to have to learn. The best place to start is to watch a porno tape. If that doesn’t work for you, then read a book on the subject. But don’t wait until you are impotent. That may be too late. Instead, keep a baggie in your wallet with some of your wife’s hair in it. Every once in a while, pull out that baggie and sniff it. That will remind you that she is real and living right there next to you… and… she needs you to take care of her. It’s not fair. She gave birth to your child. She has had several relationships with other men.


Undoubtedly, there are many reasons why men don’t get a hard-on. However, the reasons mentioned above are the most common. If you want to increase your chances of getting a rock-hard erection, focus on strengthening these areas of your life.

Enjoy the journey. That’s the important thing. And don’t worry about the destination. That’s the stuff of which fairy tales are made.

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